


something dumb to do

by christchex



Series: secret marriage au [1]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Secret Marriage AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-11-28 03:41:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18203030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christchex/pseuds/christchex
Summary: “Doña Ana County started issuing marriage licenses,” Michael said. Alex could hear the strain in Michael’s voice, the force causal nature of it. “And so did Sante Fe and Bernalillo.”“You know, I hear that’s their job,” Alex replied with a smile. Even on the other side of the world, Alex found Michael’s ridiculousness charming. “If that’s all you wanted to tell me on our one phone call for the month…” Alex trailed off.“You know what I mean Alex, they’re issuing same-sex licenses. It’s not official, and fuck knows Chavez County won’t do it of their own volition, but it’s happening Alex.” Michael paused. Alex could hear Michael’s shaky breath over the long distance lines. “And when they make it official, I was hoping that we could too.”“Really Guerin? That’s the best proposal you could do?”Or:Michael and Alex actually communicate and how that impacts their relationship through the years.





	1. Year One

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this sitting around for the last... oh since episode 4 aired. So... to finally get my butt in gear I'm breaking it down into chapters. Enjoy!
> 
> Thanks to Marlo, Tove, and Edin for reading this and poking me into finishing it.

**2008.**

Basic was not what Alex imagined it would be. It was grueling. It was exhausting. It was demanding and the instructors reminded him too much of his father at times, but he didn’t hate it. He hated that he had to leave Michael. He hated that he barely had a choice. He didn’t hate actually being there. He didn’t hate the morning runs, the hierarchy, the limitations.  

Really, the only thing he hated was that he couldn’t talk to Michael. There was no internet. He couldn’t call whenever he wanted. He had sent an address, sent it to the Evans house in hopes that he’d get it. Alex hadn’t gotten a letter back yet. He was afraid that he’d never get a letter, afraid that Michael would forget about him and move on. They promised it wouldn’t happen. 

They promised that they wouldn’t drift apart while Alex was away. It had only been two weeks, not including Week Zero. He still had six weeks to go. He’s not thinking about the training afterwards.  

_ 

He got two letters at the end of Week Three. One was from his father and one was from Michael. The letter from his father was predictable, exactly what Alex expected- threats regarding his behavior and performance at basic, threats about not humiliating his father, threats about never seeing or hearing from Michael again. Alex threw his letter right in the trash. 

Four weeks since he last saw Michael. Four weeks, and all Alex had was a single letter. Alex was terrified, terrified by what he might find in the letter. They promised to stay together, Michael insisted on it. They promised that they were together, that this changed nothing, that they still felt the same for each other. That was four weeks ago, and Alex hadn’t changed his mind, but Michael could have. Michael was out in the real world, interacting with others, and being reminded constantly about how shitty the world was and how much being with Alex had taken from him. The fear had been there since that awful, wonderful day in the toolshed. Before, Michael had been there, had been able to reassure Alex, reassure him that Michael’s feelings about him had not change, even if his feelings about world had shifted drastically. He wasn’t there now. All Alex had was a letter he was afraid to read. 

He could imagine Michael laughing at him. “You’ll punch an asshole picking on you, but you won’t read a letter from your boyfriend?” 

It was a little ridiculous. 

The envelope’s return address was the Evans’ address with no name attached. With shaky  hands, he opened the letter.  

“Alex,” it read. “I miss you. I miss you more than I thought it was possible. There’s a lot of chaos in my head, so much noise. Thinking about you helps. I can’t wait until you’re back and the chaos can leave again. I am going to kiss you as soon as I see you, I’m not taking my hands off of you.” 

He signed simply with “M.” That was all the letter said, but that was more than enough. Michael missed him too. Michael was thinking about him too. Alex tried not to think about the noise, the chaos in Michael’s head, and how Michael had nothing to calm it down. 

\- 

Alex received a letter twice a week from Michael. Most of them were the same as the first- I miss you, I cannot wait until I see you again, to hear you again, to feel you again. Alex responds in kind. He keeps it vague, they both do. He never refers to Michael by name, just by the first initial. There is too much at stake for both of them. Alex couldn’t risk his father finding out about Michael again. And Alex... well, he’s never had to be in the closet before. It was a different experience, one that Alex was not sure he liked. 

The others in basic with him talked about the people back home. They talked about their boyfriends and girlfriends, the people waiting for them at home. He’d get questions about his letters, questions about high school, about home. He would be vague in his answers. He’d mention friends from high school, deflect about a girlfriend. He’d talk about Maria and Liz, let them assume that the M he wrote to was Maria. It was easier, but damn it if Alex didn’t wish that he could talk about Michael the way that everyone else talked about their significant other at home. 

It was the last week of basic that one of his Michael letters deviated. Sure, there was still the I-miss-you's and the promise of kisses, but this letter had more, pages of more. Michael wrote about the pain, the physical and emotional, about seeing the worst of humanity and how much it hurt. He wrote about denying his scholarship, about his fears about a lack of future. He wrote all the things that he had kept from Alex for months, things like the changes Alex could see, things they fought about, things that helped Alex choose this path, even if it was under duress. 

“I know this isn’t how we talk,” Michael had written at the end. “We keep things inside, and we tell each other that we’re ok when we’re not. But there is so much going on Alex, and I can't risk losing you because of it. I just needed you to know. And I need you to know that I don’t blame you for any of it, I could never blame you. Being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There’s more that went down, after well, just after... it’s not my secret to tell, but it changed me Alex. I can’t lie and tell you it didn’t, but I hope you still like the me that’s left.  
Love you. M.” 

-

Two days later Alex had access to his phone again. The first thing he did was call Michael and tell him “I love you too”. 

 


	2. Year Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jesse Manes is awful, Maria is wonderful, and the boys attempt to communicate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Marlo for reading this over and fixing all of my mistakes <3.

2009.

 

Alex had two weeks between the end of technical training and the start of his first stationed assignment. It felt weird being back in Roswell after months of training, months of living on a military base, of being around the same group of people, of being distant from everyone and everything. It felt weird being back in his father’s house. That wasn’t right. It felt awful being back in his father’s house. It hadn’t even been ten minutes.  

“This might be the first time you didn’t disappoint me.”  

Those were the first words out of his father’s mouth when Alex walked through the door. His father hadn’t even picked him up from the airport, he took a taxi instead. That had been a fight, when Michael found out.   

_“I can pick you up. I have off, you won’t have to pay for a taxi.”_

_“No, it’s fine I can take a taxi.”_

_“Alex, just let me pick you up from the airport.”_

_“I can’t.” Alex remembered to drop his voice to a whisper when he continued, “I can’t let him see us together. I can’t risk him hurting you again. Please.”_

In the end Michael agreed, though he let Alex know his displeasure at every opportunity. Speak of the devil, his phone beeped.  

 

> **M:** Hope your drive back was comfortable  
> 
> **Alex:** You’re an asshole.  
> 
> **Alex:** It was fine.  
> 
> **M:** Still meeting tonight?  
> 
> **Alex:** Yeah. Have to have dinner first. Two of my brothers are in town and they promised to stop by.  
> 
> **M:** See you later then   

-

 

Dinner was uncomfortable. Alex had avoided his father as much as possible during the hours between his arrival and dinner. He’d rather not be anywhere near him, but his brothers were in town and they rarely saw each other as it was. So, he suffered through the awkward silence between the four of them before his middle brother finally broke the ice.  

“So, Alex,” he said, “I didn’t expect you to enlist. What changed your mind?”  

Alex shrugged and didn’t answer. He focused his attention straight ahead and ate his meal.  

“Okay...” his brother tried again. “Do you at least not hate it?”  

“Yeah,” Alex had replied. He still refused to look at anyone. “It’s a good fit for me.”  

That was all that was said that evening. The awkward air between Alex and his father eventually silenced his brother too. 

- 

 

Alex left right after dinner and made his way to Maria's house. It was his first stop on his welcome home tour, and he knew Maria would cover for him the moment her told her his plans for the evening.  

“You’re still seeing Museum Guy?” She asked after the welcome back hugs, the ‘I miss you’s, and his explanation.  

“Yeah,” he said with a small smile. “We never stopped. I just can’t let my dad find out.”  

Maria had given him another hug and grilled him for details. He still didn’t tell her who Museum Guy was, but he knew this time he could tell her more. This time, he wasn’t afraid that it would end any time soon. She told him the details about her life that she hadn’t shared the few times they had spoken. He told her about his free time was spent making connections and friendships with the other airmen. He didn’t mention how much time he spent contacting Michael any way he could.  

“I get it,” she had told him when he tried to apologize for how few and far between his calls were. “A friendship like ours doesn’t need constant communication Alex. We’re always there for each other. I know that if I need you, you’ll answer.”  

“What if I’m halfway around the world?”  

“The world wouldn’t let that happen. Now, you run along. You have to meet your boy.” She smiled and kissed his cheek as she let him through the front door. “Think about introducing me to him, yeah? That way he and I can miss you together.”  

Alex laughed. “I’ll think about it,” he said as he drew her into a hug.  

It wasn’t far to Michael’s apartment from there. It was tiny, and not in the best part of town, Michael had told him when he first signed his lease, but he could afford it and it was more of a home than he had ever had before. Alex stood in front of the door to Michael’s apartment and hesitated. It had been six months since he had last seen Michael. He knocked once. The door swung open almost immediately. Michael didn’t let Alex say a word, he just pulled Alex through the doorway and into his arms. Alex barely heard the door shut behind him. All he could concentrate on was Michael- Michael’s arms around him, Michael’s face pressed into his neck.  

He could feel Michael’s breath on his neck as he whispered, “I missed you.”  

“I missed you so much,” Alex said into Michael’s curls. He pressed a kiss to his head.   

Michael lifted his head from Alex’s neck. He looked into Alex’s eyes as he said, “I love you.”  

Alex felt tears well up in his eyes. He blinked them away. “I love you too,” he said before he leaned in for a kiss. They didn’t talk much after that.  

 -  

 

They spent as much time together in those two weeks as they possibly could. It was difficult, between Michael’s odd hours at the junkyard as a mechanic and Alex’s overbearing, ass of a father. They did what they could. It was a little like sneaking out the summer before Alex left, trips to the desert with no destination in mind or a movie and the excuse to be close to each other. It felt nice, like they were finally being the kids they were never allowed to be. It wasn’t the same, though. They weren’t the kids they used to be, because they were never really kids.  

They had to be responsible. If they wanted to make this work, and Alex wanted to make it work more than anything, they had to actually talk. But it was so difficult to talk when Michael had his arms wrapped around him, their legs entwined on the bed as he kissed Alex’s neck.  

“I want this to work,” Alex said as he turned to face Michael, arms positioned so that they laid more comfortably. “I want this to work, and I don’t want to leave for Atlanta and not know where we stand.” 

Michael caught his eyes easily. The sleepy, post-sex haze he had been in vanished as Alex spoke. “I want this to work too Alex.” 

“I don’t know when I’ll see you next Guerin. I don’t know when I’ll get deployed. I don’t know anything.” Alex tried to keep the nerves from his voice, but it was hard. They were approaching a new, unknown part of their lives, and Alex didn’t know how to deal with it. 

“Hasn’t it been working?” Michael asked, eyes still caught on Alex’s. There was no hesitation in his voice. “We keep in touch. We write. We call. We text. We email. We do what we can. I love you too much to let this go.” He gave Alex a brief kiss. “I’m not letting you go.” 

“Last time we had a time frame. We knew it would be six months until we saw each other again. This time I could be away for over a year.” 

Michael just smiled. “Then I go to you. I’ll drive to Atlanta. I’ll visit you.” 

“But what about other times? We can’t tell anyone. Are you really just going to keep taking trips and hope no one will notice? No one will ask why?” He was working himself up, he knew it but he couldn’t stop. “And… what about the other stuff?” 

Michael, who had been holding him tightly through the tirade, stiffened and let his arms go slack. “What do you mean ‘the other stuff’?” He kept his tone neutral. 

Alex closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “The other stuff, the other things that happen in a relationship. I know you like sex. We’ve done nothing but have sex for the last two weeks. Do you really think-” 

Michael interrupted him before he could finish. “What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing since you left?” He pulled away from Alex and sat up. “Shit Alex, yes I like sex but fuck! I’m dating you. You are my boyfriend. Sex isn’t more important than that!” 

Alex bit his lip and tried to avoid Michael’s eyes. “I just don’t want to force you into anything. I don’t want to make you regret being with me.” 

Michael cupped Alex’s jaw and raised his chin. Alex reluctantly let his eyes meet Michael’s. He could see how much his comments hurt Michael, but Michael just kept his eyes on him, determined. “I’m not going to regret this Alex. And you’re not forcing me into anything. We make the choice to be together. I knew what I was getting into, and I want it. I want you.” He kissed Alex again, and sighed when he finally felt the tension leave Alex’s body. “Got it?” He waited for Alex’s nod. “Good.” 

“I told my dad I was staying the night with Maria,” Alex said as he pulled Michael in close again. “I’m not expected home until a few hours before I leave.” 

“Your brother still taking you?” 

“Yeah,” Alex said into Michael’s lips. “He’s going that way, so he said he’d take me.” I closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I wish it was you,” he whispered, “but I can’t trust myself to walk away from you and not kiss you.” 

“It’s ok. We have tonight,” Michael said before he gave Alex a long, lingering kiss. “And we have a trip to Atlanta to plan.” 

“You know,” Alex said with a smile, “the Air Force pays me pretty well. I think I could spring for plane tickets. That way you don’t have to drive and we get as much time together as possible.” 

“Hmmm,” Michael mumbled. “Sounds perfect.” 


	3. Year Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit, a deployment, and some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I need to thank the lovely Marlo (BeStillMySlashyHeart) for yelling encouragement at me, and for helping me fix all of my mistakes. You're the best <3.

2010.

-

The arrivals section of the Atlanta airport was as big of a clusterfuck as the rest of it. Even at 10 at night, the airport was crowded, and Alex was  pissy . His Commanding Officer managed to fuck up the computer system again, Michael’s plane was four hours delayed, and the airport was a crowded mess. Honestly, Alex was ready for the day to be over. All he wanted was a shower and his bed and he had little patience for anything else. 

He sat outside the arrivals wing and waited. This was not Michael’s first visit, but the wait never got easier. His car idled as he waited for Michael’s curly hair to step out of baggage claim, impatient and ready for the day to end. He wished, not for the first time, that he and Michael could just go back to his apartment, to his shower, to his bed; but that was out of the question. Alex’s roommates didn’t, and couldn’t, know about Michael, about his sexuality at all. It had been almost a year and a half since he joined the Air Force and still it grated on him to live in secret, to live in the closet, to never be able to mention his boyfriend and how excited he was to finally see him again.  

Alex sighed, closed his eyes, and rested his head against the headrest. He was tired. He was tired of the day, tired of hiding, tired of distance.  

A knock on the passenger side window interrupted his brooding. Michael’s smirking face greeted him through the window. Alex unlocked the door and let his boyfriend in. 

“Hey,” Michael said, happiness obvious in his voice. He closed the door behind him. He did not try to lean in for a kiss. “Missed you.” His smile took over his face. 

“Hey,” Alex said, exhaustion clear in his voice. He was still tired, but suddenly it was all worth it. The awful day was worth it just to have Michael there at the end of it. He put the car into drive and merged into the traffic. Michael looked over at him, concern in his eyes. Alex reached over and grabbed Michael’s hand. Their entwined fingers rested between them as they drove towards Michael’s hotel. “I missed you too,” Alex said into the quiet of the cab. 

They drove in silence. 

- 

The hotel was nice enough, for all that it’s within Michael’s price range. There was a Queen-sized bed and a bathroom, and that was more than enough. Michael pulled Alex into a kiss as soon as they closed the hotel door behind them. 

“I missed you so much,” Michael gasped into Alex’s mouth, arms wrapped around his waist and bags abandoned at their feet. “Missed you. Missed you. Missed you.” He gasped between kisses. 

Once their desperation died down, Alex pulled away though he stayed securely in Michael’s arms. “Today has been shit,” he said quietly, “and all I want to do is sleep in your arms.” His tired eyes met Michael’s. 

Michael smiled. “I can do that.” 

- 

They spent the days together, going around Atlanta and seeing the sights. They kept a careful distance, unsure of who they might run in to within the city.  Alex couldn’t spend every night with Michael, not without causing questions from his roommate. They just enjoyed their time together, though, and tried not to think about how they were in the same city but still couldn’t spend their nights together. 

“I don’t mind,” Michael had said. “I understand Alex. I get it.” They were in the safety of his hotel room, door locked, and curtains closed. He pulled Alex into his arms. “I knew what I was getting into.” He paused, as he rested his forehead against Alex’s. He sighed. “I won’t lie, I hate it. I hate keeping you a secret. But I knew that going into this.” 

Alex gave Michael a gentle kiss. “I know,” he said, voice quiet in the small space between them, “but it doesn’t mean I like it. I want to tell everyone about you.” He schooled his face so that Michael couldn’t see the pain. “I want to be able to talk about you the way that everyone else does about their partners back home. I want to be able to be in my own bed and have you with me. I want to introduce you to the guys in my hanger. I’ve never had to do this before Guerin. I never had to pretend to be anything other than me.” 

Michael tightened his hold on Alex, one arm around his waist and the other rubbed gentle circles on his back. 

“I know Alex,” Michael’s voice was just as quiet as Alex’s. “I know.” 

- 

“He leaves tomorrow night, right? Your friend from home?”

Alex looked over at his roommate. Chad was nice, but distant. He didn’t often ask Alex about his life. They weren’t the closest friends, but they got along well. They were both content to just coexist together,  as long as  the other picked up his stuff from the common areas.

“Yeah,” Alex said, slight hesitation in his voice. “His flight leaves at 6, why?” 

Chad shrugged. “We don’t have to be back on base tomorrow, and I figured we could go out.” He gestured the  the  rest of the guys in their Flight. “We were talking  earlier  and we thought maybe your friend would like to see a face other than your own.” At Alex’s hesitation Chad continued, “look, I know we still don’t really know each other well. You don’t really talk about home and we really don’t hang out outside of base. Me and the other guys? We want to get to know you. We trust you to have our backs, and we trust you with any computer ever, but we still don’t know you. So, let us take you and your friend out.”

Alex nodded after another moment of hesitation. “Yeah,” he said, “you can take us out.”

-

> Alex: my flight group is taking us out tonight.
> 
> M: you sure that’s a good idea?
> 
> Alex: honestly? No. but they want to get to know me better… and I really want you to meet my friends.
> 
> M: ok, pick me up though. I went searching for a science museum.
> 
> Alex: you’re a nerd.

-

In the end, they ended up at a sports bar, somewhere with a game on but a large enough menu for the guys not old enough to drink yet.

“Fuck, I want a beer,” Michael had said ten minutes after they sat down. The rest of the group were chatting amongst themselves. It was obvious that they were trying not to overwhelm their guest, but Alex knew that that would fly out the window within the hour. As of right now though, things were awkward.

Michael sat next to Alex, a respectable distance between the two of them. They were both stiff in their seats, overly aware of the guys around them. They were mostly left alone, though they could see the others tossing looks their way every few minutes.

“I know, it’s awkward,” Alex said, voice pitched low so that only Michael could hear him. “We’ll leave once we’re done dinner, ok?” 

Michael gave a nod and took a sip of his water. He shoulders were around his ears and he radiated his discomfort. Alex felt bad about dragging him here. They could have stayed back at his hotel, like they originally planned. Instead they were at a bar, surrounded by airmen, and overly aware of their every movement.

Chad, who sat on Michael’s other side, seemed to grow tired of the awkwardness. “So,” he said to Michael, “Manes won’t tell us anything about his life. It’s your job to tell us every embarrassing thing you can think of about him.”

This surprised a laugh out of Michael. “Oh, is that my job?” He asked with a slight smile.

“Definitely,” Chad said. “All we know about him is that he’s from Roswell, listens to Fall Out Boy, and has two people back home he talks to… well, three people including you now.”

“Yeah,” another voice cried from down the table. The voice belonged to Patrick, another one of the younger airmen. “He only ever mentions those girls, Liz and Maria? Never talks about anyone else… well, except for you but he really only mentioned you when he said you were visiting.”

“Really Alex?” Michael’s smile widened. “You don’t mention me ever? I’m hurt.” He laughed and threw a grin Alex’s way. “Can’t say I’m surprised Alex doesn’t mention anyone else. There really wasn’t anyone else worth talking to…” He winked at Patrick. “I don’t really know what you want me to tell you, besides the fact that he definitely listened to Fall Out Boy in high school too.” The grin on Michael’s face turned into a smirk. “Please tell me he told you that he was a full-blown emo kid, all black clothes nail polish and all.”

Laughter rang through the group as they tried to imagine the clean-cut airman in anything besides fatigues. Alex punched Michael in the arm, trying to seem like an annoyed friend instead of an annoyed boyfriend. It was a fine line to walk.

“Just tell us anything really,” Chad said. “It’s almost impossible to get this kid to talk.” He threw a good-natured glare at Alex.

“Well,” Michael glanced at Alex and stopped. He was unsure of what exactly he could say. They barely knew each other until the moment they collided, hearts and bodies alike. What could he say that wouldn’t give that away? “Did he tell you that he used to work in this kitschy UFO museum in town?” The group shared looks of absolute delight. “What did the sign say? ‘Been abducted, back in 5?’ or something like that?”

Alex laughed and tried not to blush. “Yeah, that’s what it said.”

That seemed to break the ice. From that moment on the table was throwing question around about aliens, stupid high school jobs, and what it’s like to grow up in a town with a weird urban legend. The conversation drifted away from Alex specifically, but this time he and Michael were included. Gradually, they started to relax, not all the way- not while they had to think about how and when they  were allowed to  touch- but little by little the tension left their bodies as they enjoyed the camaraderie around them.

Shortly after dinner they made their excuses, a movie they had already bought tickets for, and made their way to the door. Alex was already on his way out the door when Chad stopped Michael. Alex stopped to overhear their conversation.

“Hey,” he said as he dropped his hand from where it had grabbed Michael’s arm. “I’m sorry to ask you this, but I know Alex won’t answer…” He trailed  off, and  seemed to look everywhere but at Michael. “Do you know who ‘M’ is? Alex is always texting them, but he deflects whenever we ask… and… well, we just want to be there for him, you know?” He finally looked at Michael, his face earnest and open. Alex felt his heartbeat in his throat.

Michael licked his lips to give himself a moment to think about his answer. “Sorry man,” he said, “don’t know who he’s talking to.” Michael gave an awkward smile. “I’ll try and talk to him though, about opening up to you guys more or whatever.”

Chad gave him an assessing look, then smiled. “Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it. Have a safe flight tomorrow. It was nice meeting you.” With that Chad waved and went back to the group.

Once they were in Alex’s car, Michael turned to Alex and said, “I think he knows. I’m sorry, I-”

“As long as he doesn’t say anything, we’re good. It’s ‘Don’t Ask’, remember? He can’t ask me, and I won’t tell him.”

“Yeah, but I’m sorry if-”

“It wasn’t anything you did Guerin, nothing either of us did tonight. We were so careful. Let’s not think about this right now. Let’s enjoy your last night here, okay?”

They drove back to the hotel in silence, hands clasped together in Michael’s  lap.

-

Michael’s departure was just as anti-climactic as his arrival. They didn’t kiss goodbye. There  were  no teary-eyed confession. There was only an awkward side hug and the promise to call as soon as Michael landed.

It’s wasn’t until Alex was back at his apartment that he got a message.

> M: I love you and I miss you.

-

One week  later Alex got the notice that he’d be deployed within the month.

“Yeah, an eight-month deployment,” he told Michael over the phone when he heard. “A longer one than is usually done, but…”

“But that’s what you get for being a code-breaker I know. Anyone you know going?”

“Yeah, Chad and Patrick, along with Roger and Martin. You met them at the bar. We’ll be there together. A few of the other guys were disqualified.”

“I’m going to pretend I know what that means. When do you leave?”

“Last week of April. I’ll be able to email you while I’m gone, nothing else though. Where they’re putting us isn’t set up for anything else.” Alex could hear Michael’s shaky breath over the line, knew Michael was trying to contain himself the best he could. “Nothing’s  gonna  happen to me, ok? I’ll be behind my computer desk, far away from everything. Trust me, ok?”

Michael’s disbelieving laughter barely hid the choked sound of his tears. “Yeah, ok. I trust you airman. It’s everyone else I don’t trust.”

Alex smiled and tried to stop his eyes from filling with tears. “I promise. I’ll be back. And when I come back  stateside  I’ll have leave and I’ll get to come see you. I’ll be right there, in your arms.”

“Eight months?” Michael’s voice was still shaky.

“Eight months. We’ve done worse.”

-

There were obvious differences between being stationed stateside and overseas deployment- the location, the limitation of resources- but the day-to-day life was remarkably the same. They all had jobs to do, positions within the flight group to fulfill, roles on base to complete. Really, the only difference that mattered was the limited communication with Michael. Near daily messages, emails, letters, or phone calls had turned into Alex checking his email once a week at most.

They developed a routine quickly. Michael would email daily,  more often than not  just small little updates on life or stupid things he’d observe around town.

> Alex-
> 
> They  closed down  that awful coffeeshop you used to drag me to after school. I  have to  get my coffee at the  Crashdown  now.
> 
> -M

Or:

> Alex-
> 
> Wyatt Long actually tried to ask Isobel out last night. I wish I recorded her reaction.
> 
> -M

Or even:

> Alex-
> 
> Your dad is still a dick.
> 
> -M

Each email was small, but it helped Alex stay connected to Michael, helped him feel a little closer to home. His own emails were longer. He’d pass along stories about his flight group, about the stupid thing Chad or Patrick did that day. He’d respond to Michael’s emails, laugh at the ridiculousness of their small town or try and pry more details out of Michael. For all that he was deployed in an active warzone, the worst week had been waiting for Michael’s response to his email about his father. It turned out that Michael had just seen him at a store and watched as he shut the door in someone’s face. Once he was home, he and Michael were going to have a chat about when to bring up his father, which was never.

The weeks passed quickly enough. Alex sat behind a computer, hacked into other computers, and did his job. Then he waited for his allotted time to sit behind a computer and catch up with his loved ones. He thought of different stories to tell Michael and Maria, and Liz when she occasionally emailed.

He had just sent his emails off for the week when he got a notification.

> Alex-
> 
> Went to the museum, just because I miss you.
> 
> -M

Alex smiled. For all the macho cowboy airs he put on, Michael was a total sap. 

> M-
> 
> I miss you too. Only a month left. Don’t get abducted before I get back.

Alex hit ‘send’ and logged off. It was the end of his time, and he knew the other guys wanted to talk to their families. He made his way out into the desert air, discomfort hitting him as soon as he left the air-conditioned room. For all the he grew up in New Mexico, he still was not prepared for the desert sun while in his gear. He made his way back to his barracks and went to sit by Chad. That had become closer after Michael visited, taking the time to get to know each other better than reluctant though fond roommates or friendly coworkers. Chad shot him a small smile behind his book. Generally, they took the time to read while they could. 

“Catching up,” Chad had said, “since we never really have time to do it when we’re back home.”

Alex shot him a smile in return and opened his book. He was two pages into his novel when Patrick came and sat on the floor between them, body facing them. He slapped their legs until they finally looked up from their books.

“What the hell Scott?” Chad asked as he kicked at Patrick’s arms, annoyed enough to use last names.

“Dude,” he said, eyes darting from Chad to Alex back to Chad. “They’re really doing it. They’re repealing DADT.”

Alex froze.

“What?” He tried to remain calm and unaffected, all while his heart raced.

“They’re repealing it. It’s  gonna  take a bitch of a time to get it actually implemented but, it’s happening.” Patrick grinned at them. “I thought you’d want to know since-” Patrick stopped himself at the carefully blank look on Alex’s face, “you know, since it will impact us as airmen?” His voice got higher as he ended his sentence with a question.

Chad turned to Alex. 

“I’m sorry Manes, I know we shouldn’t have been talking about you and…”

Alex cut him off after a deep breath. “It’s ok, well not really but. It’s not like we could actually talk about it, you know?”

Patrick nodded. “Exactly,” he said. “But after you brought your friend around, we thought maybe you’d open up more?”

“We get why you didn’t,” Chad paused, “or couldn’t, but. We want you to know that we have your back. And if you want to talk to us about him, or anything, we’re here.”

Alex smiled, small and tentative. “You really want to know?”

Patrick laughed. “We had to hear all about Chad’s girlfriend of three months throughout dinner last night. I think we can stand to hear about your boyfriend of… how long?”

Alex’s small smile turned brilliant. “It’s been over two years. We’re technically high school sweethearts, you know?”

Patrick made a face of exaggerated disgust. “Oh fuck, I thought we only had one hopeless case around here. I can’t believe you did this to me Manes. I’m betrayed.”

The three of them laughed. Alex added this moment to his mental list of **Things to Tell Michael**. Then, he turned to his attention back to his friends.

“Wait until I tell you about our first kiss.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fudged the timeline for much for this, let me tell you. DADT Repeal of 2010 technically doesn't get enacted until 2011, but the news would come well before the formal roll out anyway. At some point I'll put together an actual timeline for this fic. Today is not the day though. Hope you all enjoyed it!


	4. Year Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Alex moves, has to deal with his family, and one other Manes man gets to meet Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still playing fast and loose with facts and timelines. I'm fine with it.
> 
> This chapter is once again larger than all the others combined. I hope this isn't a trend. Also, sorry about any delays. Unfortunately grad school does not accept "but I'm writing my fanfic!" as a good reason to not do my course work. Who knew.

2011.

-

 

Alex pictured the sight, Michael at the Wild Pony, at the seat that has already become his own. He would order whiskey, because that was his drink of choice every time Alex left. Tequila was for a good time. Whiskey was for wallowing. 

Alex really wished he didn’t always give Michael a reason to wallow, but his leave was only so long and then it was back into the military, back to his shared on-base house at a new that he only just moved into today. He didn’t have the benefit of going back somewhere familiar. The bright side was that he and Chad were still roommates. The downside was a much longer list. He was further from Roswell, further from Michael, and closer to his own family. His brother, Luke, was stationed on the same base, though in different sectors. His sister-in-law, Margaret, was also in the Air Force, and was already insisting on his presence at Sunday dinners. Alex wasn’t entirely sure how to explain to her that it wasn’t physical distance that kept the Manes men apart, rather the emotional distance of growing up with Jesse Manes as your example of masculinity and emotional maturity. It was amazing that any of them were able to have any long-term relationships. They definitely did not learn that from their father. 

Alex put that thought out of his mind and focused back on his phone, at the message from Maria telling him about the newest addition to her bar. 

> Maria: Don’t know what happened to him, but Michael Guerin has been nursing the same spot at my bar for three days now.

It had been three days since Alex left. Alex tried not to think about the curls he ran his fingers through, or the tight grip on his hips as he was pushed into the side of Michael’s truck in the short-term parking lot at the airport. It was as close to public as they got, even now. That was fine though, Alex couldn’t imagine being more public than that, not when all he wanted to do was climb back into the truck and go back to Michael’s shit apartment and never leave. 

It was best not to think about that now, though. Not when Michael was on the other side of the country and Alex was in his new, bare bedroom. He turned his attention back to Maria’s text. 

> Alex: maybe he needs someone to talk to?

Alex knew he shouldn’t push, knew he shouldn’t mention anything that might lead Maria to their secret, but he couldn’t help it. Michael needed a friend and Alex wanted to be there for Michael even if he’s currently in upstate New York and miserable about it. 

> Maria: I don’t know if Guerin is really the kind of person who talks about his feelings. He seems more like the stoic angst in silence kind of cowboy. 

Alex sighed. She wasn’t wrong. 

> Maria: Maybe the person who needs to talk is actually you though?
> 
> Alex: You are literally on the other side of the country, there is no way your psychic powers work that far away
> 
> Maria: Psychic powers don’t, but best friend powers do, so spill.

Alex sighed and pressed ‘call’. 

“I knew I wasn’t wrong.” Maria’s tone wasn’t smug but concerned. “Best friend powers are never wrong. What’s up Alex?” 

“I’m stationed with Luke and Margaret.”

“Oh, well shit.”

“Yeah, exactly. Margaret is already asking when I’ll be over for family dinner. Luke keeps asking why I won’t return dad’s calls.”

“It can’t be that bad, right? I remember Luke being the nicest out of all of your brothers. He’d rent us movies and he actually went to your school concerts.”

“Margaret told me I could bring my girlfriend.”

“Ok, so your brother never told her, that’s no big deal. There’s plenty of reasons for that. Besides, you could just tell her the truth. You’re allowed to now. Just tell her you have a secret boyfriend that you refuse to tell your friends about.”

Alex was about to refute her statement when Maria yelled.

“Mind your own business Guerin! This is a private conversation!”

“Maria, are you at the bar?”

“Yeah, of course I am.”

“Oh, why didn’t you say so. We can talk tomorrow, it’s no big deal.”

“Can it Manes. You’re my best friend and you needed to talk. Plus, it’s slow right now. The only people here are the early birds and Guerin- who needs to stop trying to listen in!” Alex could hear the shift in her voice as she pulled the phone away from her mouth to yell.

Alex’s phone beeped with a message.

“Yeah, ok. Sure. But I will call you tomorrow. I’m going to figure out what I want to do about the whole Luke situation.”

“Ok babe, but you had better call or else I’m going to fly to nowhere New York and you will not be happy about it.”

“Maria, I thought you were trying to give me incentive to call. I’d love it if you came to visit.”

“I know. I will soon, just got to make sure Mama DeLuca is taken care of first.”

His phone beeped twice more.

“I know. I gotta go Maria. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Alex ended the call and looked at his new messages. They were all from Michael.

> Michael: hey, what’s up?
> 
> Michael: don’t let deluca fool you I was not eavesdropping
> 
> Michael: but if something is up, you know you can call me

Alex smiled down at his phone.

> Alex: I know, it’s just my brother

Less than a minute after the message sent, Alex’s phone rang.

“Hey,” Michael said, with a smile in his voice when Alex answered. He could hear Maria in the background yelling about Michael getting privacy for his phone calls. Her voice faded the background.

“You finally leaving your spot at the bar?”

“So Maria told you about that?”

“Yeah, she’s wondering why you’ve been haunting the Pony for the last few days.” Alex paused. “I miss you too, you know?” His voice was quiet. “It seems so silly. We survived me being on the other side of the world, a few time zones shouldn’t feel so awful.”

Alex wished he could see Michael’s face. He wished he could see his small, sad smile as he thought about the distance between them. He wished he could wrap his arms around him, pull him close, and reassure him. He wished he could kiss him.

“You’re in the same country and still an impossibly far distance away. That’s what makes it worse.” Michael took a deep breath. “Now, tell me about your brother.”

“He’s stationed here too. He and his wife have already invited me to family dinner and, well… I’m not exactly on good terms with anyone in the family right now. He was always the one I got along with most but…”

“But he’s been gone for a while and he doesn’t know what went down between you and your dad.”

Alex smiled. Michael understood, of course he did.

“Exactly. He’s going to ask and I’m not going to want to tell him. I still haven’t told any of them why I joined up in the first place! Plus, his wife told me I could bring my girlfriend if I wanted. My girlfriend. It’s not like every single member of my family doesn’t know!”

Alex stopped himself before he could get too worked up. He could hear Chad in the other room. They last thing he wanted was for him to come in and ask what was wrong. He definitely did not need a third person knowing about his family drama, even if the first two had known about it for years.

“You don’t know how it will end up Alex. You can’t jump to the worst case scenario. DADT is still in the process of being repealed. He’s your brother, he wouldn’t risk you like that.”

“You don’t know that Guerin.”

“You’re right,” Michael gave a small laugh, “but Luke was the only one of your brothers that I have actually met, and he seemed pretty ok with me hanging around so much that summer. You should give him a chance.”

“I’m scared of losing more of my family,” Alex admitted in a low whisper.

“I know,” Michael replied, voice soft. “But aren’t you losing him now? I know I’m the last person to talk about families, but you have to at least try, right?”

Alex felt a tiny smile pull at his lips even though his eyes were still stinging with tears.

“You did pretty good for yourself, I would say.”

Michael laughed over the line. “I have a fake sister, a fake brother I barely talk to, and you.”

“Exactly.”

Alex could practically hear Michael’s sappy smile over the phone.

“Stop it Manes, I have a reputation to uphold.” Alex just hummed in response. “Look, I have to go meet Isobel for dinner. Think about your brother’s offer at least? Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.”

“I’ll think about it. You go have fun with Isobel.”

“You’ve met her man, you know that’s not happening. It will be ‘why do you dress like that Michael?’ ‘why can’t you see me more Michael?’ ‘why won’t you let me set you up on dates, Michael?’ She’s a pain."

“She’s your sister, of course she’s a pain. Now go, before she starts with ‘why are you always late, Michael?’.” Michael laughed. “I love you. Now hang up.”

“Love you too.”

 

-

 

It took weeks, but Margaret finally broke him down. She had shown up at his locker before check-in and demanded that he come to dinner.

“You’re on the opposite side of base. If you don’t leave now you’re going to be late,” Alex had said.

“Yes, and it will be all your fault because you won’t just agree,” she had replied. “I get the write up, you get the guilt. It’s only dinner Alex. And it’s only me and your brother. I don’t know what you’re expecting, but whatever it is it won’t happen. We just want to see you. We never really thought we would unless we all magically ended up in Roswell at the same time. So, please. Come to dinner on Sunday.”

Alex had sighed and agreed. It was only dinner. And he really didn’t want his brother blaming him for making his wife late. 

  
-   
  


> Michael: it will be fine. He’s not even the worst of your brothers. Stop freaking out. 
> 
> Alex: easy for you to say. You’re in Roswell and not here. 
> 
> Michael: you think Max and Iz don’t make me do awkward dinner with them? 
> 
> Alex: not the same as a brother who still thinks my dad is a great guy and a sister-in-law oblivious to just how gay I am. 
> 
> Michael: ok. You’re right. But it really is just dinner. And if it’s awful you never have to do it again. 
> 
> Michael: and no matter what you call me after ok? Good or bad, call me. I miss hearing your voice
> 
> Alex: I miss hearing your voice too Guerin. 

Alex put his phone down and search his room for a shirt that was suitable for a family gathering. He knew his brother and his wife; they would both be dressed in their Sunday bests still and he knew he had to match.    


He found a button up shirt that was casual enough that he didn’t feel like he was getting ready for a church service and left.    
“Have fun at dinner man,” Chad called as he was leaving. “And if you need me to make up an excuse just text ok? I can totally fake a life-threatening injury.”   


Alex laughed as he walked to the door. “Thanks Wright. I’ll keep you on call. I know how good your acting is.”

Alex could hear Chad’s laugh as he left the apartment. He wish he thought to invite him along. 

His brother’s house was a modest ranch style on the residential part of the base. It was a five minute drive and Alex wished that he could delay longer. His phone beeped.    


> Michael: enjoy dinner. When you get back we can Skype and you can enjoy me in all my sweaty cowboy glory
> 
> Alex smiled, both at his boyfriend’s ridiculousness and the visual. 
> 
> Alex: I don’t know why I love you. 
> 
> Alex: I’ll call when I leave. I promise.    
> 

Alex put his phone away and took a deep breath. He got out of his car. As he made his way to the house, the front door opened and Margaret stepped out. She wore a dress and heels and Alex was relieved that he decided to wear something besides a t-shirt.    


“Alex,” Margaret said as she opened her arms for a hug. “I was afraid you’d back out!” She smiled as Alex moved in for a quick hug. “Come inside. We’re just finishing everything up.”   


She ushered him inside and took his coat. The inside of the house looked exactly how he expected- off-white walls with minimal pictures and art, tasteful wood furniture that was nice but also easy to move if they were reassigned.    


“If there anything I can help with?” Alex asked as he made his way through the living room into the kitchen.

“No, thank you. I’ve got it covered,” his brother said from in front of the stove. He turned the burner off and brought the pan over to the kitchen table. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought we could have fajitas tonight.”

Alex smiled. “Are you trying to make me think of home,” he asked with a small laugh. “You know I was just there for a month, right?”

Luke laughed in return. “Oh, I know. Don’t think I didn’t hear about that. But I figured, it was always our favorite dinner night when we were younger, so we should have it as the first meal we share in years.”

Alex knew his brother wasn’t trying to guilt him, he was too nice for that, but he felt guilty anyway. Luke could read it on his face.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Alex. I just meant that I’ve been gone for home for a while, and by the time I went back for a visit you were gone too. I’ve just missed my brother, that’s all.”

Alex swallowed and took a deep breath.

“I’ve missed you too.”

Dinner was a mellow affair. Margaret and Luke caught Alex up on the last few years. Alex hadn’t actually seen them since their wedding the summer after senior year of high school. They talked about when they were stationed in England for a year, and all the sights they saw. They talked about what there was to do in the small towns around the base, and how the long drive into New York City could be worth it for a long weekend. They talked about Margaret’s promotion and Luke’s most recent medal. 

They asked Alex questions too, mostly about how he was settling into the new base. They asked after his roommate, and how his first deployment went. Alex was amazed that Luke didn’t try to bring up Alex’s most recent visit home again, where Alex avoided his father for the full month he had been there. Luke didn’t ask why Alex enlisted. He didn’t ask any personal questions. Alex was grateful.

Or he would have been, if it didn’t feel like the unspoken things were hanging around his neck, heavy and suffocating. He kept thinking about what Michael and Maria said, about how his brother was always supportive, how there were probably reasons for him not outing his brother to his wife. How, if he wasn’t careful, he could lose his brother like he lost his Dad.

Luke had just started to ask after his friends back in Roswell- “Do the DeLuca’s still own that bar?”- when Alex finally cracked.

“I have something to tell you,” he said as he helped put the dishes away. “And, I’ve been scared to tell you, to tell anyone. But, you’re my brother and it’s important.”

Luke gently put the dishes in the sink.

“Is this a conversation you want to have here? Or do you want to grab a beer and we can go outside and talk?”

Alex didn’t need to think about it. He walked to the fridge and grabbed two beers. “Let’s go outside.”

He and Luke went out to the small back porch and sat down. The chairs were side by side, which Alex found comforting. It would be easier to talk, if he didn’t have to watch his brother’s face.

“I know you and Eddie and Matt all wondered why I enlisted,” Alex said after a minute or two of silence.

He didn’t look over as Luke replied, “Yeah. I mean, none of us expected it. We all thought you’d run away to L.A. or go to school for music or something.”

“That was my plan,” Alex said with a brittle laugh. “I was going to take some community classes, maybe try to get into a music program somewhere. My plan was music and...” Alex hesitated before he continued, “and staying with my boyfriend.”

“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

“No one did. No one but Dad.”

Luke swore. “Shit Alex, what happened?”

“He caught us together. He was so angry, he threatened me with a hammer. Mi- my boyfriend tried to stop him. Dad smashed his hand.”

His brother was silent for a moment before he said, “Michael Guerin. He had a busted hand when I saw him that summer.”

“Yeah. You know, that was the first time we kissed? We managed to be happy for all of three hours before Dad ruined it all. And he almost ruined it all.” Alex looked up at the sky in a futile attempt to hold back his tears.

“Christ, Alex. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“There were a lot of reason, most of them not good, but, mostly? I was scared. I was scared of what else he could do, to me and to Michael.”

“You know, I thought something was going on with you two that summer. Didn’t know how to talk to you about it though. I wish I did. Fuck, I could have done something.”

“There was nothing I would have let you do, not then. And we got past it, or we’ve mostly gotten past it. We’re still together.” He chanced a look at his brother, who was already watching him. His face was wounded, with absolute heartbreak in his eyes. As he registered Alex’s words, a small smile formed. It looked just like the one Alex wore. “We’re still scared. Christ, almost no one knows about us. My roommate does, and one of our friends back in Atlanta, but they figured it out and I never told them.”

“You guys have been together for what? Three years? And you’ve kept it a secret this whole time?”

“Well, yeah. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, right? I joined the Air Force to protect Michael from Dad, and to run away. I’m lucky that Michael and I managed to stay together through it all. But now, now I can tell people, at least without risking a dishonorable discharge. I know it’s still not safe, but I don’t have to hide. I’ve never had to hide before.”

“Oh kid, I know that. Don’t think I could forget the first day you showed up with eyeliner. I thought Dad was going to.. Shit.”

Alex looked back at his brother. Alex could see his brother thinking, could see the idea he had of his father start to crumble.

“Shit Alex. He broke Michael’s hand! He threatened you with a hammer? What else did he do to you?”

“If you ask him, he tried to save me from my ‘perversions’. I think you can get why I avoid his calls.”

“Fuck. What kind of brother am I that I didn’t notice?”

“The kind that’s 6-years older than me, had already moved out by the time it escalated. The kind that still tried to be there for me, even when I pushed you away. The kind of brother that my boyfriend remembers as always being nice to him, when almost no one else was. You’re that kind of brother.”

“Fuck,” Luke said again. “How the hell did any of us ever learn to talk to each other?” He asked as he got up from his chair and moved closer to Alex’s. “Up. You’re getting a hug. You have no choice.”

Alex accepted the hug. He let his sniffles go free as he cried into his brother’s neck.

“These are good tears, I promise,” he said when he pulled away. “I was scared I’d lose you Luke, if I was honest.”

“I’ll always be here for you, you know that right? I was when you were a teenage shithead and I’m here for you now.”

“You know, I think maybe you marrying a sane person has finally rubbed off on you. No way we could have had this conversation three years ago.”

Luke laughed. “Oh, she definitely helped. What’s your excuse? I know you inherited the dreaded Manes Man emotional constipation.”

“Therapy, mostly,” Alex said honestly. “And, oddly enough, Michael. For all that he pretends he’s a stoic cowboy and doesn’t need anyone, he’s a absolute sap who just wants to spill his feelings everywhere.”

“Then I’m glad you two found each other.” He pulled Alex in for another hug. “Now, we are going to go inside, eat the desert that Margaret made, and you are going to tell us all about your boyfriend.”

Alex laughed, still a little teary-eyed. “You know Margaret told me I could bring my girlfriend if I wanted?”

Luke hummed. “Yeah, maybe I never actually told her. But, to be fair I didn’t have any real confirmation besides your eyeliner phase and your obsession with Panic! at the Disco.”

“You mean, that wasn’t enough?”

“Well, the sad puppy eyes you and Guerin used to give each other may have also been a clue.”

“Ugh, fuck off,” Alex said as he pushed his brother away. “Let’s go eat some cake.”

 

-

 

“It was good,” Alex said as soon as Michael answered the call. “It was really fucking good actually.” Alex pulled out of the driveway and made his way back to his apartment.

“I’m glad,” Michael said. Alex was thankful that he didn’t say ‘I told you so’, except Alex could still hear it in his voice. “I’m really glad you have someone over there besides Wright to be there when I can’t.”

“Don’t lie Guerin, you know you like Chad.”

Michael laughed. “I do, but between him and Patrick I don’t know how you survived your tour.”

“I distracted them with talk of you, mostly. Also, I told my brother, about us, about everything.”

Alex waited, anxious to hear Michael’s response.

“And he took it well?” Michael’s tone was cautious.

“He took the news about you well, not so much the stuff about my dad. He started to blame himself for not realizing it.”

“When was he going to notice, when he lived in Colorado or when he was in England? Nice thought and all, but-”

Alex cut Michael off. They were both aware of how oblivious people could be even when they were witnessing it firsthand.

“That’s basically what I said to him. He also said that you and I used to make sad puppy eyes at each other that first summer. Apparently, he had his suspicions but didn’t know how to talk to me about it.”

“Shit Manes, it’s a miracle any of you every managed to talk to each other at all.”

Michael was not wrong.

Alex pulled into his complex and got out of his car. He made his way to his apartment. He waved to Chad as he entered, giving him a thumbs up as he walked by. He threw himself onto his bed, still fully clothed, and listened to Michael’s breathing.

“You should tell me about your day,” Alex said as he curled up in bed. 

“My day was mostly boring,” Michael said.

Alex smiled. “Does that mean you spent the day at the Pony again?”

“No,” Michael extended to ‘o’ in feigned exasperation. “I had work today thank you. Work was mostly boring.”

“Why only mostly?”

“Because I officially put in my vacation request to Sanders. I’m free for two whole weeks in July.”

Alex’s smile grew into a blinding grin. He wished he could see Michael’s, he knew it would be just as big and light up his entire face.

“Good, I miss you-”

“-I miss you too-”

“And,” Alex continued, “you can officially met my brother and my sister-in-law. And have dinner. Luke is an ok cook, but I think we can talk Margaret into baking something for us.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

-

 

“Can you please stop pacing,” Chad says from his spot on the couch. “I’m trying to watch a movie.”

Alex poked his head out his bedroom door. Sure enough, Michael was pacing the length of the living room, occasionally blocking the tv screen.

“I’m glad rewatching-” Michael looked at the screen, “-fuck, not Sucker Punch again dude it’s not even good.”

“Don’t insult my taste in movies Guerin.”

“If you keep watching shitty ones I’m going to. Anyway, I’m in emotional distress right now and you’re too busy watching technically beautiful and still really shitty movies. What kind of friend are you?”

“The kind that already had to go through this with your boyfriend,” Chad replied, face turned toward the screen. “It’s going to be a decent dinner, hopefully with cheesecake at the end, and that’s it. You’re going to talk with Luke and Margaret, Alex is going to wear that stupid expression he gets when he looks at you. Everyone is going to win.”

“I do not get a ‘stupid expression’ on my face when I look at Guerin!” Alex called from the doorway, calling attention to himself for the first time. Michael looked over and, if Michael’s face was anything to go by, maybe Chad had a point about the goofy expression.

Michael made his way to the bedroom door with a smile. His gaze was not subtle, as his eyes trailed from Alex’s face, to his chest, to his pants before they returned to his lips. Alex could commiserate, he was doing the same thing.

“I’ve never seen you dressed so nicely Guerin. You’re really pulling out all the stops.” Alex looked him up and down. “You look good.”

He did look good. He bought a new pair of dark washed jeans, a new button up shirt that he only had one button undone. He had used some type of product on his curls, they were as soft as always but they were glossy and tamed for the first time Alex could remember.

“There’s that goofy expression again.”

Alex rolled his eyes at his roommate. He walked towards Michael and grabbed his hand.

“Come on, we’re going to be late.”

They left the apartment and Alex tried to ignore Chad’s catcalling as they left holding hands.

“It really will be fine, I promise. Luke’s been excited about this since I told him you were coming.”

“You can say that all you want Alex, but I’m still going to be nervous. It’s your brother.”

“Weren’t you the one telling me it was all going to be fine, that Luke was the best out of all my brothers?”

“Well yeah, but that was about you and him. And now I’m meeting him as more than just the orphan kid who you sometimes ran around with.”

“He knew you were more than that then, and he knows you are more than that now”

Alex gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling away.

“Get in the care Guerin.”

Margaret met him at the door, just like she did every Sunday since they started their family dinners. She was dressed up too, just like she was every Sunday. Alex could see Michael out of the corner of his eye, hands fidgeting at his side.

“Hey Alex, so happy you could come,” she said with a smile as she held open the door for them. “You must be Michael, it’s very nice to meet you properly.” She held out her hand for him to shake.

“It’s nice to meet you too Margaret, though I think we met back before your wedding.”

Margaret laughed. “Oh, we did, but you were so skittish around us that I thought that we could start fresh.” She led them through the house out onto the back patio. “Hope you two don’t mind that we’re eating out here tonight. It’s just too lovely out to stay indoors.”

She gave them a smile when they agree. She let them get settled while she went back inside for some drinks. Alex looked over at Michael and smiled.

“See, not so bad.”

Before Michael could reply Luke and Margaret returned with food and drinks. Luke had grilled up burgers and had a whole spread of toppings laid out.

“I hope you don’t mind that I went lazy on tonight’s dinner,” he said as he set the tray down. “But honestly, I think it’s what I’m best at and I’m trying to make a good impressions.”

Michael’s eyebrows rose and got lost somewhere in his curly fringe.

“Who are you trying to impress? Definitely can’t be me.”

“After years my brother is finally letting me meet his boyfriend, I have to put my best foot forward.”

Michael laughed, though his eyebrows still expressed his incredulity. “Pretty sure I’m the one who’s supposed to be trying to make a good impression.”

Alex watched the back and forth between the two. He didn’t know what exactly to expect, but the two arguing over who needed to impress whom was not it. Across from him Margaret just sat back and laughed.

“You were there for my brother when I wasn’t,” Luke admitted with feigned nonchalance. “You stuck by him this whole time, when he wasn’t even around. That’s not easy. So, you already impressed me. Now I need you to know that we’ve got your back.” He ended his speech with a slight smile. “Now that we got the awkward feelings talk out of the way, let’s eat.”

“I was wondering when the Manes’ aversion to feelings would show up,” Michael said as he reached for a cheeseburger. “Last time I saw you I’m pretty sure you guys spoke exclusively in veiled metaphors about jet engines or something.”

It was Alex’s turn to laugh. “Don’t pretend you didn’t understand exactly what he was saying, at least about the engines. We got better at that whole talking thing, hadn’t you noticed?”

Michael reached for Alex’s free hand and gave it a squeeze. “I noticed.”

“Christ, you two are worse than I remember. No wonder your roommate figured it ok,” Luke said, voice amused. 

“I’ll have you know we can totally be subtle,” Alex said.

“Honey,” Margaret chimed in, “I’ve been around you two for all of ten minutes and you couldn’t hide a thing just walking from your car. I’d love to see you two try for subtle.”

Michael’s scrunched up his nose in annoyance. “Don’t have to pretend anymore,” he said, “so you will never see me be subtle ever again.”

Alex smiled, but was distracted. They did still need to hide when they were in Roswell. He tried to push the thought from his mind.

Dinner continued with less emotionally frank conversation. Luke and Margaret asked about Michael, about his job and about his family. They learned about Isobel and Max Evans, how they were basically his siblings, though nothing about growing up in foster care. Michael asked about their lives, about base, all the places they’ve been, and the best things to do while he was in the area.

It was nice. It was more than nice. Alex never expected to have this, his family and the man he loves together at once.

They left after dessert, the promised new york cheesecake with a bonus piece for Chad. As they made the short drive back to the apartment, Alex broke the comfortable silence.

“You know,” his voice shaking slightly, “my family knows, or at least some of them know.”

Michael shot him a worried glance from the passenger seat. 

“Yeah, I know.”

“I think it’s only fair that your family knows too.”

Michael stared at him.

“Are you trying to say that you want to tell more people? That you want me to tell Iz? And Max too, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Alex said after a moment to collect himself. “They should know. You shouldn’t have to hide. And, it’s like you said at dinner… we don’t have to hide anymore. I know that we’ll still have to stay below the radar when I visit, Roswell is not known for its progressive-mindedness, but well… you’re family should know. I should be subjected to family dinner with Isobel and Max when I visit too.” He had kept his eyes on the road through his speech, but he chanced a look at Michael.

Michael was grinning.

“I’m telling them as soon as I get back.” He paused for a moment. When he spoke again his voice was softer. “Thanks Alex.”

Alex reached for his hand across the center console. They held hands the rest of the drive back to the apartment.

 


	5. Year Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex bonds with Isobel, Michael fights with Max, and they decide that maybe more people should know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway, grad school and anxiety attacks really made this one difficult to write, but we're still going. I swear. I'm still going.
> 
> Huge thanks to Marlo and Tove for continuously being wonderful but also kicking my ass into writing more. <3.

2012

-

“You threw me under the bus.”

“She was insufferable and I couldn’t deal with her anymore,” Michael responded. Alex could hear him moving around his newly purchased trailer over the phone.

He hated how everything sounded over speaker, how everything echoed in the still mostly empty space, but Michael needed his hands as he fixed it up and Alex needed to talk to Michael. Well, he didn’t need to, but he definitely wanted to.

“Seriously Alex, you don’t know what she’s been like since I told her. It’s been over six months and she’s still- ‘How could you keep this secret from me, Michael.’ ‘I thought we were family, Michael.’ ‘How could you deny me my sisterly rights by not telling me you had a boyfriend I could torture, Michael.’ It’s been awful.” He paused. Alex could hear the ring of glass hitting glass. “Yeah, I totally threw you under the bus. Sorry.”

“There’s worse things than your boyfriend’s kind-of-sister wanting to get to know you, I supposed,” was Alex’s begrudging reply. It wasn’t that bad, actually. This is what they both had wanted, the ability to be open with the people they love. It was just that Isobel Evans was terrifying in high school and four years had not changed anything. “It’s just that… well…”

“Isobel is scary?”

“Yes.”

Michael laughed. It barely covered the sound of something breaking in the background. “Shit.”

“Am I distracting you? You know you can call back later…”

“Except I can’t. You have that party for your brother’s promotion and I have to go and fix Isobel’s car because she can’t drive it here. Plus, and I quote, ‘what’s the point of being your sister, Michael, if you don’t do favors for me?”

Alex snorted. “She seriously hasn’t changed at all since high school, has she?”

Michael laughed. “You’d be surprised,” he said, laughter clear in his voice, “she’s actually better now.” Alex’s laughter echoed over the phone. “I’m serious Alex! You remember what she was like senior year! Every time we’d get a moment alone together I’d get another text from Izzy demanding a movie night or burgers. She’s just as demanding now, but her horizon’s have broaden and I am paying the price. She’s part of the community planning committee.”

“Oh, poor you. I can see it now, having to go to town events! Going to the drive-in on the Fourth of July to watch Independence Day. I bet you even went to the farmer’s market, didn’t you.”

“You keep this up and I’m hanging up on you Manes.”

Alex could hear the smile in Michael’s voice. It made him smile in return.

“Maybe we should hang up. I can hear you banging around in there and I should probably get ready…”

“You gonna wear your dress blues private?”

“Guerin come on, you know I’m not in the army…”

“You didn’t answer my question Alex.”

“Yes, I will be in my dress uniform.” Alex closed his eyes and pictured the look on Michael’s face. It was a good image, but now was not the time. He cut Michael off once he heard his deep inhale. “We are not having phone sex.”

“You are no fun.” Alex knew his smirk was replaced by a pout.

“You’re right, I’m not. Now let me go. And next time, maybe you’ll have the internet set up and we can Skype this conversation instead- No Guerin, we’re not having Skype sex either.”

“Seriously, no fun.”

“Goodbye Guerin. I love you.”

“Love you too, Private No Fun.”

Alex hung up the phone as he paced through his bedroom. His phone lit up in his hand, a new notification alerting him to a message.

> Isobel: He won’t share anything with me anymore, you’re my only hope Alex Manes. 
> 
> Isobel: It’s all ‘that’s private Is’ and ‘don’t you have better things to do than ask about my sex life?’
> 
> Isobel: as if he doesn’t know me at all
> 
> Alex: I don’t know what you’re expecting from me if your own almost brother won’t answer you
> 
> Alex: Plus, I have a family thing tonight
> 
> Isobel: perfect, you can message me instead of talking to your dad
> 
> Isobel: for the record, I knew he was an asshole long before Michael told me you two were on the downlow because he’s a dick.

Alex had to read the message twice, just to make sure it really did say that. But there on his screen was Isobel Evan’s name and her assertion that his father was a dick. She wasn’t wrong.

> Alex: Fine, you can keep me company

Isobel just sent a smile back.

Alex set his phone down and took a deep breath. Flint and his father were both going to be there and Alex was not ready. He was not ready to face his father for the first time in years, for the first time since one of his brother’s knew about him and Michael and knew about the shit his father put him through. Plus Flint, who was never awful but he was never good either.

He buttoned up his coat, grabbed his phone, and made his way to the front door. Chad would be joining later, for the less formal after party. Alex was alone for this one. His phone buzzed.

> Isobel: Send me a picture of you in your dress blues, I want to see if I can make Michael blush.

Well, almost alone.

-

Alex managed to avoid his father and Flint beyond formalities by virtue of Margaret. Once she saw him walk in she clung to his side and did not let go.

“I swear Alex, you are the only Manes man besides my husband I can stand,” she whispered as they watched his father mingle with Luke’s commanding officer. Every once in a while, Jesse sent a glare their way.

“Jesus, I don’t know how any of you survived into adulthood.”

Alex snorted. “Don’t worry,” he whispered back, “it’s really only me he hates. You’re only grouped in by proximity.”

“Oh yes,” she replied as she wrapped an arm around him, “that really makes me feel so much better.”

Alex looked down at Margaret’s arm around his waist. The sleeve of her dress uniform blended into his, and he got the overwhelming urge to hug her close and never let her go. He settled for smiling her way as he took out his phone to check his messages. He had six new ones from Isobel.

> Isobel: ALEX YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FACE
> 
> Isobel: I think his eyes might have popped out
> 
> Isobel: seriously who knew you could do heart eyes out of cartoons??
> 
> Isobel: He told me he’s banning me from talking to you anymore
> 
> Isobel: He’s full of shit, don’t worry. I won’t leave you alone. Not with your family.
> 
> Isobel: Plus, if you aren’t bonding with me, then that just leaves Max and we both know that I am the superior Evans.

Alex couldn’t contain his laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

Alex showed her the phone. “Isobel showed Michael a picture of me all dressed up. She’s torturing him, apparently.”

Margaret laughed. “That’s his sister, right?”

“Basically yeah, they’re best friends and they were at the same group home when they were younger, before Isobel and her twin got adopted. Pretty sure they arrived there together, but they’re all pretty hush about it. Though every once in a while Michael will make these comments, and it’s always when we’re on the phone and he’s with Max and Iz.”

“What kind of stuff?” Her arm remained around his waist as she steered him towards the refreshments when it looked like Flint might walk their way.

Alex threw her a grateful smile. “I don’t know,” he said as he picked up a new flute of champagne. He took a sip. “Just weird things, like comments about how he wants me to know all his secrets, or he’ll mention something about problems he had at a group home and I can hear Max in the background and his condescending ‘Michael’. I can hear him! But what am I supposed to say? It’s obviously a fight between the two of them.”

Margaret took a sip of her own flute. “You should talk to him about it. Probably not when he’s around his pseudo-siblings though? There’s probably something he needs to talk about and he wants to talk about it with you. No offense to the two of you, but neither of you really seem like the ‘asking for help’ type.”

Alex laughed again. “You met him how many months ago? And you already have his number.” He looked down at his phone, at the little ”<3” Michael had sent earlier that Alex left unread so he could just stare at the notification. “Did I tell you how we started dating?”

Margaret smiled. “No, but I can’t wait to hear it.”

-

The rest of the evening was spent with Margaret, avoiding the rest of their family. It was much better than Alex ever thought a Manes family function could go. Eventually they escaped with Luke to the less formal, and more fun, after party. Alex, who had his brother, his sister-in-law, and their friends around him, with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s sister pestering him on his phone, decided that maybe his family wasn’t so bad. Especially when his family was the one he chose himself.

-

> Isobel: When do you have another break? Michael is going crazy without you.

Alex looked down at his phone. It should have been off. It should have been in his locker, shut away until his work day was done, but he was in front of the computer that was running decryption programs without his help and sometimes it was boring.

> Isobel: I think he’s fighting with Max more because he misses you

Alex snorted.

> Alex: He’s fighting with Max more because he likes fighting with Max. Don’t think I don’t hear them in the background when you call.
> 
> Alex was impressed that Isobel didn’t even try to deny it.
> 
> Isobel: True, but it is definitely worse because it’s been months and he’s pathetic about you

Alex couldn’t hide his grin.

> Alex: Yeah well I’m pathetic about him too
> 
> Isobel: Don’t worry. We know.

Alex laughed to himself, careful not to draw attention to himself. He felt a little like he was back in high school, trying not to get caught passing notes in study hall. His phone lit up with another notification, this time from Michael in the group text.

> Michael: don’t listen to her, i’m not fighting more with Max because I miss you, i’m fighting with Max more because he’s an asshole
> 
> Isobel: he’s your brother, maybe you two could talk like civilized people and not just hurl insults while Alex and I try to have a lovely chat about the weather in wherever New York.

Alex opened up a new message to Isobel.

> Alex: seriously, what is up with the two of them? Michael won’t tell me.
> 
> Isobel: If I could tell you, I would.

Alex frowned at the message, thrown off by Isobel’s response. She never passed up on opportunity to insult her brothers.

Alex set his phone aside and tried not to dwell on the messages, the weird tones that happened every time Michael or Isobel called while the three of them were together, by Max’s hesitation to reach out to him the way that Isobel had.

He glanced at his phone one more time and then got back to work

-

> Alex: I miss you too, you know.
> 
> Michael: I know. It’s just hard, even with my family knowing.
> 
> Alex: Maybe we should let more people know…
> 
> Michael: What do you mean?
> 
> Alex: Remember when I first came back? After training? I saw Maria before I came and saw you?
> 
> Michael: I remember…
> 
> Alex: Well, Maria said something about how, if she knew who you were, you could miss me together… Maybe it would be better to have more people
> 
> Alex: When I’m here, I can talk to Luke or Margaret or Chad. Hell, I can call Patrick
> 
> Michael: maybe this will be easier over the phone...

A moment later Alex's phone rang.

“You want to tell Maria,” Michael said, once he called Alex. “Are you sure?”

“She’s my best friend, Guerin, and you see her more than I do. I want her to know.”

“Then we’ll tell her,” Michael said. Alex could hear the grin in his voice. “Whenever you’re ready, tell her.”

-

 


	6. Year Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deployment, two conversations, a secret, and a proposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shows up (almost) three months later with Starbucks and a new job... Oops.
> 
>  
> 
> Is this how confidential deployments work? I have no clue and I'm going to continue to have no clue whatsoever.
> 
> As usual, huuuuuge thanks to Marlo and Tove for being wonderful, for looking over this, and also for going "WRITE MORE SECRET MARRIAGE" at me all the time.

2013.

-

Alex sat on his couch, Chad and Luke next to him. He stared at the paper in his hands, at his most recent orders. He took a deep breath.

“It’s going to be a long deployment,” he said to Luke. “It’s going to be long, and Michael and I had plans for the summer.” His head hit the back of the couch with a muted thump. “Fuck, I don’t want to have to tell him this.”

“You’re in the Air Force,” Luke replied, his hand ruffled Alex’s hair as he reached around to grab his phone from the top of the couch. “He’ll understand. It’s not the first time.”

“He was a mess last time,” Alex replied, head bowed. Chad knocked against his shoulder, trying to get any reaction from Alex that wasn’t a frown. “He was a mess  _ and _ we were still working things out! What is he going to be like now?”

Chad hit Alex’s shoulder again. “Of course he was a mess last time, Alex, you guys were still working it out and you were still hiding. It’s not the same. Not this time.” 

Alex tried to smile. It looked more pained than relieved.

Luke cut in. “Plus,” he said, “this time he has an actual support system. There’s his sister. He has Maria with him this time. Hell, he can call me or Margaret. He’s not alone. Neither of you are alone, not anymore.”

This time, when Alex smiled, it looked genuine.

“You’re right. Of course you two are right.” Alex took a deep breath. “It’s not going to be nearly as bad. And, it’s not an active warzone this time… it will be different.”

“Do you want us here when you call him?” Luke asked. Alex looked towards Chad, who nodded. 

“Whatever you need man. We’re here.”

Alex took another deep breath and looked down at his newest orders. The confidentiality of this mission meant that he couldn’t tell Michael as much as he wanted. He could tell him he’d be safe. He could tell him he’d be away from active combat. That would be enough, hopefully.

Alex shook his head.

“I appreciate it, but I’ll do this alone. He’ll be working now anyway. He started on a new ranch the other day. I’ll wait until his lunch break.”

Luke and Chad nodded, taking turns to giving him a hug and a slap on the back.

“Call us if you need us, ok? And come over for dinner tonight. We’ll make enchiladas.”

Alex smiled and agreed.

-

In the end, Michael called him.

“What’s wrong,” he asked after Alex said hello. “You didn’t send your usual morning texts, so I figured something had to be up.”

Alex couldn’t hold in his smile. It’s nice that he and Michael were at the point where they could read each other’s moods even across the country. A few years ago Alex wasn’t sure he and Michael could ever get to this point.

“You know me well, Guerin.”

“Yeah well, I had a few years to learn your habits. Almost six years now, actually.”

“Almost six years. Pretty sure I know some married people who haven’t been together that long.”

“Well Alex Manes, are you asking me to marry you?” Michael laughed before he finished his question.

“Please Guerin, my proposal would be much more romantic.”

“Not to sure about that, we both know I’m the hopeless romantic of the two.”

Alex laughed in response. He was right.

“There was something though,” he said, after a beat. “Not something wrong, just news.”

“What kind of news?”

“I’m getting deployed again.”

Michael was silent. He stayed quiet as Alex continued.

“I can’t tell you much, the confidentiality level on this is ridiculous. I can’t even tell Luke, but I’ll be safe and far away from any active war zones.” Alex paused. Michael hadn’t said anything yet and Alex wanted to give him the chance to. Michael stayed silent. “It’s another 8 month deployment.,” he said to fill in the silence.

“8 months,” Michael’s voice was soft. Even over the phone Alex could hear the slight tremble of his voice, the hitch in his breath on the word ‘eight’. 

“Yeah.” Alex’ reply was soft and trailed off into more silence. He could hear Michael’s breath as it grew shallow.

“Guess our summer plans are out.”

“Yeah.” Alex had no other reply. What else could he say? It had already been a year since they last saw each other, now it was going to be even longer.

“Fuck,” Michael’s voice was soft and hoarse. “Fuck, when do you leave?”

“April 14th. I’m finishing up my work here. I’ll maybe get a day or two off before I ship out.”

“Ok, April 14th…” Michael’s voice grew distant. Alex could hear papers’ rustling, doors opening, the sounds of searching in the background. He heard a quiet curse before Michael picked up the phone again. “Ok, I need to go to Isobel’s to check flights. I don’t get internet out here on the ranch, not yet anyway.”

“Flights? Michael what-”

“I’m flying out to see you Alex,” Michae said quickly cutting off Alex’s question. “I’m not going two years without seeing you, and I’m definitely not saying goodbye to you for a top secret-”

“-it’s confidential, not top secret don’t be dramatic-”

“-mission over the phone. I’m sure Foster will let me go in April, it’s still pretty early into the season that the cattle really only need feeding. I’ll do any of the other repairs before I leave.”

Alex closed his eyes and leaned against the door frame to his bedroom. Sometime during the conversation he had started to pace the apartment. He didn’t even remember doing it. He didn’t really remember anything besides the hint of tears in Michael’s voice.

“Guerin, I’d love for you to come, but I can’t ask you to just come out to New York on such short notice.”

“You’re not asking, I’m just doing. I need to see you before you leave. I need to talk to you in person. Plus, I miss you.” Michael’s voice turned deep. Alex could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “Two years is too long of a time to not kiss your boyfriend.”

“Right,” Alex replied with a laugh. “Like kissing is the only thing on your mind.”

Michael only made a noise of agreement.

-

Michael was at his apartment by the time Alex finished work on April the 11th. They’d barely have time together, between Alex’s last day of on-base duty and his sunrise departure on the 14th.

It would have to do.

Alex barely made it through the door before Michael’s arms were around him, his face tucked into the curve of Alex’s neck. Alex let his head rest against Michael’s, nose pressed into curls, as he curled his arms around Michael.

They just stood there wrapped around each other, arms tight and both hoped they would never have to let go.

-

The first two days went quickly, with Alex finishing his last work day on base while Michael helped him clean and pack his duffle. When they were actually together, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Alex felt like he always had to be touching Michael, now that he was actually here and because they wouldn’t be able to for a long time. Michael seemed to agree, if the way he wrapped himself around Alex at every opportunity was any indication.

They had dinner with Luke and Margaret after Alex’s last day of work on base. Michael and Margaret spent the first forty minutes in the kitchen, talking as they put the finishing touches on dinner. Alex watched from the living room where he and Luke sat, tv on in the background. Alex paid it no attention, too busy trying to catch snippets of the conversation in the kitchen.

“You don’t have to worry,” Luke said after Alex moved to a seat closer to the doorway. “He’s not alone this time, neither are you.”

“I know,” Alex said as he tore his eyes away from the propped out door. “It’s just, well, we got to email and message last time. It’s very limited secured phone calls this time around.” He looked over at Luke with a smirk. “Plus,” he said, “I don’t trust them together. They’re planning something that’s gonna embarrass me I know it.”

Luke laughed as he nodded his agreement. “The two of them are menaces separate, together they are destructive.”

“Michael tells me they text now, almost as much as he text Isobel.”

“But is it as much as you text Isobel?”

Alex sent a glare at his brother. He was still salty that he spent a whole awkward family meal texting Isobel instead of making nice with the rest of their family.

“I’m just saying, he’s not alone- he has his family, and we count now, don’t we?” Luke scoffed at the skeptical look on Alex’s face. “You guys have been together for years! We’ve known him, and about him, for two years now. I think we’re allowed to count him as family, don’t you think?”

Alex stopped trying to move his chair closer to the door.

Luke gave him a small smile when Alex finally relaxed against the back of his chair.

“This is probably the safest deployment you’ll ever have,” Luke pointed out, a reminder that the worry wouldn’t be nearly as bad this time around.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed. “But, there’s a lot less contact this time. The only computer access I have is work related. Maybe one phone call a month?” Alex shook his head, but did not allow himself to get worked up again. “It’s just a lot to ask of him. I already live on the other side of the country, now I’m on the other side of the world and can’t even talk to him.”

Luke looked over at him and patted the seat next to him. Alex gave him a disbelieving look that Luke ignored. He tapped the seat again. Alex sighed, got up, and moved to sit next to his brother. Luke wrapped his arm around Alex’s shoulder and pulled him in tight.

“He knew what he was getting into.” Alex scoffed in response to his brother’s words, but Luke carried on. “No, I’m serious. He knew it. He knew what he was doing when he sent you that letter, asking if you could try. He knew about DADT. He knew about Dad. He knew you’d be on deployment or stationed somewhere else. He knew that he wouldn’t want to leave Roswell and his family for long. He made that decision.”

“Now, I’m not entirely sure you realized what you were getting into when you enlisted, but you knew what you were getting into when you kept in contact with him, when you flew out to visit or had him come to you. If this wasn’t meant to be, if you were asking too much of him? I don’t think he’d be here now. Hell, I don’t think we’d had met him, you two wouldn’t have made it the first year, let alone the first deployment. Stop over thinking it.” He smiled at Alex, arm tightening. “It’s ok to be worried about what might happen, but the one thing you don’t have to worry about is him, ok?”

Alex leaned into his brother’s side. It had been a long time since they were this tactile. It wasn’t a Manes family trait, after all. After a moment he pulled away and smiled at his brother, small and sad.

“You’re still worried,” Luke said.

“Of course I am,” Alex replied. “It’s my superpower.”

“Then talk to him. I promise, it’ll make you feel better.”

They made it through dinner and dessert without an issue. Michael and Margaret spent most of the dinner talking, about the enchilada recipe Michael managed to weasel out of Arturo Ortecho or about Margaret’s newest repair project in the hanger. Michael was light, smile wide as he gripped his beer in his right hand and gestured with his left. For all that Michael refused to let go of Alex since he flew in, this was the most he’d smiled over the last two days.

They piled themselves and their leftovers back into their car a little after sunset. They drove the fifteen minutes back to Alex’s apartment in a comfortable silence, Michael’s hand over top of Alex’s on the gear shift. Alex kept stealing glances at Michael, at his lip between his teeth and the worry between his brow.

Alex was afraid to ask him what was wrong, to potentially ruin one of their last nights together for a long time.

Once again, he didn’t need to ask, Michael did it himself.

“There’s something wrong,” he said as they pulled in front of the apartment building. “You’re worried about something and you aren’t telling me.” Michael looked over, eyes catching Alex’s as he shut off the engine. Alex nodded. “Is it the deployment? Are you worried about your orders?”

Alex shook his head, unable to say anything. After a moment Michael sighed.

“How about we go inside, get comfortable and talk? Chad said he’s crashing at a friend’s tonight and tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Alex replied, voice strained. “Yeah, let’s go inside.”

Michael stayed quiet as they walked through the door, as they took off their jackets and kicked off their shoes. The silence continued to the bedroom, to the bathroom, where they got ready for bed. The silence continued until they were safely in bed, under the covers and wrapped up in each other. Alex cuddled up to Michael, head on his chest.

“What’s up Alex?” Michael’s right hand found its way into Alex’s hair. The left held on to Alex’s hand, fingers entwined as best they could. It took years for Alex to be able to look at his left hand, to look at the damage done to it. He brought their linked hands to his lips and kissed the crooked pinky.

Alex sighed. 

“I’m just scared,” he said, vaguely into Michael’s chest. His voice started out hesitant, but he quickly gained traction. “I’m scared because it’s different than the last deployment. I won’t be able to see you. I will barely be able to talk to you. It’s different and you didn’t sign up for this. You didn’t and I’m asking so much of you, more than you signed up for and-”

“Hey,” Michael cut him off. “Hey, no, Alex.” Michael lifted himself up so that Alex had to as well. Michael sat up and looked at Alex. he kept their fingers entwined as he forced eye contact between them. “Alex no.” He smiled at Alex and brought the hand from Alex’s hair to his cheek. “You’re not asking too much. You’re not,” he said as Alex moved to open his mouth.

“It’s still a lot Michael,” Alex replied, voice choked up. “It’s a lot and last deployment was hard on you and this time I will maybe get to talk to you once a month, if I get to call at all. And I hate it and I hate that I have to ask this of you.”

“I love you. I love you and yes, it’s going to suck that I can’t just call you whenever or Skype or anything. That’s going to suck so much, but it’s all worth it because I love you.” Michael brought their foreheads together. “I signed up for this, remember? And it’s already better because this time around I have people who know and people I can talk to when I can’t talk to you. There’s no more laws standing in our way.”

“I love you too. I just… it’s overwhelming. I’m going to miss you so much and we were finally going to go away and we were going to be a  _ couple _ , just  _ us _ without everything else we normally have to deal with and now this.” Alex stopped himself and took a deep breath. He let out a slow exhale. “Fuck, I think I may have been projecting a little there.” Their foreheads were still pressed together and Alex could feel Michael’s small chuckle. “Yeah, ok, I was projecting.”

“It’s not that I’m not worried,” Michael said as he drew away to look at Alex. “I am. I’m always worried about you. I’m worried that something is going to happen and I’m not there and I can’t be there. I’m worried when you’re deployed and when you’re home. I miss you constantly. But I’m not worried about us.” He leaned in for a kiss. “That’s the last thing I could ever be worried about.”

He layed back down, pulling Alex down with him by their joined hands.

They laid in the quiet afterwards and held each other, Michael’s right hand back in Alex’s hair. Alex relaxed into Michael’s hold as his head rose and fell with each of Michael’s breaths. He could feel the moment Michael tensed, the moment he held his breath a little longer than the others.

Alex moved to lift his head, to see Michael and ask what was wrong, but Michael kept his hand in Alex’s hair.

“There’s something else that scares me,” Michael said. “Something that’s important, that I’ve always wanted to talk about, to tell you about, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I was scared. And…” he trailed off, voice gone low and hoarse. “And fuck, Alex I’m scared that when I tell you, you’re going to freak out and you’re going to hate me. But I have to, I have to.” Michael’s voice was heavy with desperation, but still Alex couldn’t move to see him.

Alex wanted to promise that there was nothing that could make Alex hate him. He wanted to promise that everything would be ok. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. Michael had been keeping  _ something _ from him, and he wasn’t sure he could promise anything.

“Fuck,” Michael breathed out as he pressed his forehead into the back of Alex’s head, or as close as he could get to it laying down. “Fuck. I should have just done this years ago. I shouldn’t have listened to Max and Isobel, I should have just said ‘fuck it’ and told you and now we’re years into a relationship and I have this huge thing to tell you, that I can’t keep to myself anymore.” 

He let his hand drift from Alex’s hair and Alex could finally move. He sat up and turned towards Michael. His eyes were full of tears and the look on his face was heartbreaking. It reminded Alex of his face when he told Michael he enlisted, when Michael thought they were over before they ever really got started.

Michael swolled, met Alex’s eyes, and continued. “I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We’ve been together for years and if I think about the future at all you’re in it. And we haven’t actually talked about it at all, but I think you do that too. I think you want that too. And I can’t lie to you anymore, not even by omission.”

“Michael what-”

“You’re not going to believe me,” Michael said as he got up from the bed. “You’re not going to believe me. You’re going to freak out and I get it, it’s freaky… but just, let me finish? Before you freak out?”

Alex stared at him, concerned. “Michael, what are you talking about?”

Michael looked at him, sad eyed. “Just let me get it all out.” 

He took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes. Alex’s cell phone, which had been sitting on his bedside table, flew up into Michael’s outstretched hand.

“What the fuck.”

Michael took in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and said in a rush, “I’m an alien, I crashed down in the ‘47 crash but I only woke up in 1997 and I don’t remember anything about before I woke up or anything, and I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but we had this agreement that we wouldn’t tell anyone and.” He cut himself off quickly, mouth and eyes clenched shut, as if waiting for an explosion.

Alex could only stare at him.

“What the fuck Michael.”

Michael opened his eyes to Alex’s disbelieving face.

“I told you,” he said after a moment of hesitation. “Alien.” He let go of the phone. It stayed in midair. “I’ve got these weird alien powers and I’m sure I have weird alien biology. I- honestly? I don’t really know a lot, other than guesses and what I could figure out by finding pieces of our crash.” He shrugged.

Alex just kept staring at him, eyebrows knit together in confusion and mouth open in astonishment. 

“Please,” Michael begged after another minute of silence. “Please, say something anything.”

Alex shook his head and stood up from the bed. He continued to shake his head as he walked away from the bed and away from Michael.

“Alex, please.” 

Michael’s voice was wrecked. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he continued to watch as Alex moved to grab his slippers and a jacket.

“Where-?” He started to ask before Alex walked over to him. He brought his free hand to Michael’s cheek and wiped away a tear. He leaned in and gave Michael a chaste kiss.

“Just give me a moment, ok?” He asked, voice hushed. “I just need a little bit of time to wrap my head around this.” He kissed Michael again, soft and sweet. “Just stay here, ok? I’m going to take a walk, get some air, and then I’ll be back, ok? And we can talk about this.”

Michael nodded, eyes filled with tears.

“I’ll be back,” Alex whispered before he stepped back to put on his jacket.

The air outside was crisp, April nights in New York were not even close to warm. Alex could see his breath as he tried to get himself under control.

His boyfriend was an alien. Who crash landed over 50 years ago. Who had kept it a secret for years. Who also wanted to tell him for years, but promised not to.

He took a deep, centering breath. The cold air burned his lungs. 

“Ok,” he murmured to himself. “Ok, so he’s been lying, or not telling me for years. He told me now. He picked a shitty time to do it, but he told me. He wants us to plan our future together.” Alex smiled to himself at that. 

He looked up and found the window to his bedroom. The light was on and he could see Michael’s moving shadow as he paced back and forth.

“He loves me,” Alex whispered into the night. He listed to things Michael just told him. “He wants a future with me. He’s an alien. He crashed here.” He thought about all the things he knew about Michael before. “He has no family besides Max and Isobel. And me. He doesn’t remember anything about his life before he was found. He’s an alien.  _ Fuck. _ ” Alex could feel the tears in his eyes, they weren’t from the sting of the cold April air. “He’s an alien and he loves me.” He took in another calming breath. “And I love him.”

With that, he made his way back into the apartment. He shrugged off his jacket and left it on the couch. He could deal with it in the morning. He made his way back into the bedroom.

Michael started to talk before Alex could shut the door behind him.

“Alex, please just-”

Alex quickly closed the distance between them and cut him off with a firm kiss. 

“I love you,” he said once the kiss ended. “I love you and I want a future with you too. I want us to plan for the future together. I don’t care that you’re an alien. I mean, I have a lot of questions, and some weird things about you, Isobel, and Max makes more sense now, but… I love you. And this changes nothing.”

Michael’s face relaxed, brows unfurrowing and jaw unclenching.

“I’ll answer whatever I can,” he promised as he wrapped his arms around Alex. “Whatever I know, I’ll tell you.”

“Did you really want to tell me this whole time?”

“Of course,” Michael replied. His hold on Alex tightened. “Well, maybe not the whole whole time. Before everything, I was fine with keeping this a secret. When you left for basic? When I spent months writing you letters, hoping that I wouldn’t lose you? That’s when I realized I wanted to tell you.” He rested his head on Alex’s shoulder, despite how uncomfortable it was for his neck. “I’ve been fighting with Max for a while now, because I wanted to tell you. I didn’t want to lie to you anymore. It’s been 6-years. We’ve made this work for 6-years, and I wanted you to know all of me.”

“I want to know all of you,” Alex said as he nuzzled into Michael’s curls. He could feel Michael shudder as his breath ghosted over Michael’s ear. “I want to know all of you. I have since he fed me that line about music and entropy.” He laughed at the memory, of the moment where he leaned in for a kiss and Michael freaked out.

“You don’t get to laugh about that,” Michael protested, head still on Alex’s shoulder. “I was having my bisexual panic at the time.”

“I get to laugh about it forever, because I thought I was getting rejected.” He pressed a kiss to Michael’s hair. “It’ll make a great story when we get married.”

Alex barely had time to move his face out of the way when Michael jerked his head up at those words.

“Married? You proposing to me?”

“I mean, it is legal in New York,” Alex said with a smile. “I don’t mean right now. But yeah, I do. You were right, I do plan everything with you in mind. And I want you around, always. And when the time is right for us, I do want us to get married, have a house, a dog… all those things.” 

Michael smiled, a dazzling huge smile that left Alex breathless. He pulled away from Michael and walked towards the bed.

“Now, tell me everything, Mr. Alien.”

Michael laughed, eyes still a little watery, but bright with happiness. He climbed in bed after Alex and smiled.

“Well, for starters I have the best power out of the three of us.”

Alex laughed in response and cuddled closer to his boyfriend.

-

Saying goodbye was rough. Michael dropped him off at his hanger so that he could sign in. They hugged and kissed, whispered words into each other’s ears before Alex had to leave to see his commanding officer. It was better than the previous deployment, where Alex couldn’t even see Michael before he left. It made it easier but only barely.

The months without contact was worse. Alex was able to make one secure phone call a month. They made do with what they had.

“You’re not in active combat,” Michael had said during their second call. “That makes this a lot easier, for me at least. I still miss you though.”

Alex understood. Of course he did, he missed Michael when he was in New York and Michael was in New Mexico and it was a matter of a phone call. Now, Alex missed Michael so much it ached. There was only one short phone call to let Michael know everything was ok.

They talked more about their future, when there was time.

“I don’t want to have to live without you,” Michael had said during a call that lasted exactly 3 minutes and 48 seconds. “And once this state gets on board, that’s it. I don’t think I can wait any longer.”

Alex had laughed at that, had agreed partially because he wanted that future with Michael too and partially because he still thought that was a few years off.

Alex hadn’t expected it when, in mid-August, Michael brought the topic up again.

“Doña Ana County started issuing marriage licenses,” Michael said. Alex could hear the strain in Michael’s voice, the force causal nature of it. “And so did Sante Fe and Bernalillo.”

“You know, I hear that’s their job,” Alex replied with a smile. Even on the other side of the world, Alex found Michael’s ridiculousness charming. “If that’s all you wanted to tell me on our one phone call for the month…” Alex trailed off.

“You know what I mean Alex, they’re issuing same-sex licenses. It’s not official, and fuck knows Chavez County won’t do it of their own volition, but it’s happening Alex.” Michael paused. Alex could hear Michael’s shaky breath over the long distance lines. “And when they make it official, I was hoping that we could too.”

“Really Guerin? That’s the best proposal you could do?”

“I told you, the moment this state made it legal, I’m going to marry you.” Alex could hear the smile in his voice. “It’s on it’s way there. So yes, that’s the best I’ve got right now.”

Alex couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Ok then, I can’t wait for my real proposal.”

-

When Alex arrived back on base in New York that December, Michael was there waiting with a ring.

 


End file.
